This Is Me

A simple look into my childhood, my struggles, and my journey.

Hi sweeties , I’m writing this post to share a bit about myself my life so far, the challenges I’ve faced, and maybe to seek some advice from those who can relate. So, let’s begin.

I’m a 20-year-old girl, currently in my final year of BSc Physics. I also have a little sister who’s four and a half years old. Being an adult now, I’m slowly learning what independence truly means and working toward it step by step.

When I look back at my childhood, it’s strange I don’t remember much. Not because anything dramatic happened, but because most of my time was spent between school and home, with very little space for actual “childhood memories.” I’ve always been an introverted person, shy, and someone who doesn’t talk unless I feel genuinely comfortable. That was simply my personality, and no one had a problem with it… until I went from being an only child to becoming the eldest one.

Being an elder sister comes with responsibilities, but was I ready for them? Honestly, no. I wasn’t prepared for such a big change at 16 an age where you’re already struggling with emotions, stress, anxiety, and questions about your own worth. One day I was the only child, and the next I was expected to share everything not just material things but my space, my attention, my parents, and parts of myself I wasn’t ready to share.

My sister was born in 2020, right when the world was falling apart because of Covid. My higher secondary years were nothing like I imagined. Online classes left me confused and disconnected. When offline classes resumed, the student who once scored above 80 suddenly found herself on the verge of failing. I’ll admit I was overconfident. I assumed I’d manage, but I didn’t. I ended up with the lowest marks of my life.

And this is usually the moment when you find out what your parents are truly like, by seeing how they react. Unfortunately, life didn’t go easy on me. It felt like karma and tough times kept hitting me back-to-back. Everything changed after that. I went from being the sweet kid of the house to someone short-tempered and easily irritated. I became lazier—not because I wanted to, but because I felt drained, unsupported, and limited by the lack of facilities and guidance I needed at the time.

There’s one thing my grandmother once said that still hurts me whenever I think about it. In a casual conversation, almost like it was nothing, she said, “Ladkiyan toh bechi jaati hain… aur tum bhi.”( girls are supposed to be sold , so are you )
She said it so normally, as if girls were products, things meant to be given away, sold, traded anything but human. I remember feeling shocked, confused, and strangely small. It was the first time I realized how some people viewed girls, not as individuals with dreams and emotions, but as responsibilities to be transferred or burdens to be removed. I didn’t argue, I didn’t question it I just swallowed the words. But they stayed with me. And as I grew older, I understood how deeply wrong that mindset was. I wasn’t something to be “sold” or “handed over.” I was a person. And those words became one of the reasons I promised myself that I would build a life on my own terms.

But hearing something like that at a young age changes you. It makes you question your worth, your identity, and the future people expect you to have. It was around this time I realized that staying quiet wasn’t helping me. Being silent didn’t protect me it only made others decide who I was supposed to be. I had spent years holding things inside, thinking it was better to avoid conflict, but all it did was make me feel invisible. And somewhere inside, a small voice started telling me that I deserved to be seen, to be heard, and to define myself instead of being shaped by someone else’s beliefs.

But even with all that, something inside me refused to give up. I didn’t magically become stronger overnight, but slowly, I started understanding myself better. I realized that the world wasn’t going to pause for me, so I had to find my own pace within the chaos. I began focusing on the little things I could control my studies, my goals, the dreams I had buried under stress and expectations. I started acknowledging my own emotions instead of running from them. And with time, I learned that it’s okay to outgrow people’s opinions, it’s okay to distance myself to protect my peace, and it’s okay to not have everything figured out at 20. My journey hasn’t been easy, but it has shaped me into someone who’s more aware, more resilient, and still hopeful. I know I’m not perfect, but I’m trying every single day and maybe that’s enough for now.

share you experience and your journey , i am listening